I have to admit that there are a lot of things that I can put up with from people, but there comes a time when I have to sit down and be completely honest and say "I'm DONE, no more".
One example is my grandmother, it is sad to say but I have gotten to the point that I simply can not stand that woman. Let me explain why. This grandmother has always played favorites in her family. She has a favorite son, a favorite daughter-in-law, and a favorite grandchild, all of which my father, mother, or any of my siblings simply do not fall into. She had five children, all boys. Of her sons only two had any children and together they gave her five grandchildren, of which I am the oldest.
Anyway, my mother told me that when she and my father were married my grandmother pulled her to the side and told her "When you and my son have children, and you need a babysitter DON'T ASK ME". Needless to say growing up I never went to her house except at Christmas and Thanksgiving, and the occasional birthday, now keep in mind, we lived next door to her. Now as the years went by I figured that my grandmothers simply did not like children in their house, but that was until my youngest cousin was born.
My youngest cousin, which happens to be a girl, would spend the night at her house all the time, even on school nights. I asked my mother why did my grandmother like my cousin the best, to be honest my mother did not have an answer, she probably asked her self the same question time and time again over the years. It was not like this cousin was an only child or had any developmental problems like you might expect, she had a brother, that my grandmother treated him like a unwanted redheaded stepchild just like she treated me and my siblings. The rule was that the only grandchild that was invited to her home regularly and that she showered with affection was her "Favorite'.
That is not the only reason that I have washed my hands of my grandmother. Another one is that often she would preach about the bible and that it is a sin to "shack" before you are married. Now that is all well and good. One of her sons lived with his current wife several years before they were married, but he had been through a bitter divorce and was afraid to get married unless he felt it was forever, and he wanted to be sure that the woman he married loved him and would not cut out on him six months into the marriage like his first wife did. When he was sure that this woman he was with loved him with a forever kind of love he married her and they have been together almost 35 years, of which more than 25 of them have been as a married couple. Anyway my grandmother practically disowned him when they moved in together, and to this day his wife is not really welcome in her home.
Getting back to my original line of thought, my cousin, her favorite had a child with a married man, then moved in with another man when the baby was an infant. They lived together until the baby was about a year old. And my grandmother does nothing but praise her granddaughter and all her accomplishments and treats her husband like a grandson. Now my cousin has earned a associates degree and as far as I am concerned that is all she has really done. My brother, and nephew have both earned a degrees and you won't hear that woman bragging about them.
I guess I should consider my self lucky she actually showed up at my wedding, though it was probably because the church it was 10 minutes away, she didn't even go to my brothers wedding instead she sat home and bragged about not being there, but when my cousin was married she was the first one at the church.
Well over the years I learned to accept the fact that my grandmother is simply a mean old woman who has favorites and you just have to learn to deal with them. But sometimes things happen and you just have to throw your hands in the air and say with all truthfulness that you are done, finished, you are not going to take it anymore, this happened with me as far as my grandmother was concerned.
I won't bore you with the long details in this post (maybe the next one) but in a nutshell, she wanted me to choose between her and my husband. And when I didn't pick her side she tried to turn my father, her son, against me. Long story short, I informed her, that she is not welcome in my home I would consider her trespassing if she entered my yard, now keep in mind she lives next door to me. I'd would pick my husband 100, no 1 billion times over her, a woman who treated me and my family like dirt since the day I was born.
My mother is concerned that I will have regrets when she dies. True, I might have regrets, and then I might not. I will say this, if she approached me and gave me a heartfelt apology for all the years she treated me so bad, and them dropped dead in front of me; then yes I probably would have regrets for not making piece with her. But I know that will never happen, the woman has too much pride to admit she did something that she might have to apologize for.
UPDATE My grandmother died and unfortunately we never made amends, I still have no regrets and will always pick my immediate family first (unlike my husband who picks his mother over everyone).
