Tuesday, December 20, 2016

3 weeks and counting


     This marks three weeks I have been dealing with a depression that simply will not let go. Yesterday when I was asking my daughter why she would not eat all she could do was yell at me and I do mean yell. Her scream at me shook the entire house all because I wanted her to eat something that she has asked for to begin with. It got to the point that I had to take a valerian and a Saint John's Wort because my nerve were so rattled. All my daughter does is yell at me and make demands and screams at me when I can't move fast enough to do her bidding. Honestly I feel like I am nothing but a waste of space and that I am a worthless piece of shit. I am constantly being told that I am no good and that I am good for nothing to the point that I am repeating it to myself all day every day.
     My husband God bless him does not understand. He thinks that if he tells me he loves me and that I am important to him all the depression will go away, well it does for a very short while ( a few hours) and then it creeps right back in. I did some research online and from what I read it is a chemical imbalance in the brain that causes a depression like this. The chemical imbalance could be due to hormone levels and I am approaching the are of menopause. When I see my doctor next month I am going to talk to her about it, maybe she will be able to do something, because I am having a hard time coping with it the constant sadness and these feelings of unworthiness.

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