A Doctor's visit. Is all well?

     When I go to the doctor it is a hour drive, it may be a bit far for some people to drive to see a doctor but where I live you can sit in the doctors office three hours until you are seen. It is actually faster to drive an hour, see the doctor and then drive back home for a hour, than it is to see the doctor that is 15 minutes away. Anyway, last Thursday I went to the doctor for my yearly check-up and mammogram. It was pretty routine and I did not expect anything out of the ordinary. I have had no problems for the past few years so I did not expect any problems this time. I was wrong.

     I got a call from the radiology department. It seems that after looking at my mammogram the radiologist found something and I have to go back and have another one. To put it mildly I was upset. I had a lump in my breast that had to be removed just over 10 years ago and that was a scary experience. The main thing that is the difference between then and now it the fact that I have a husband now, 11 years ago I didn't.

     The moment my husband got home from work he could tell something was wrong. I can say with complete and utter honesty I was glad to see him. I did not tell him what it was at first I simply stood there and let him wrap his arms around me, I needed his strength and he gave it to me.

     As I composed myself I told him what the radiologist said, and that I needed to go back and have another mammogram, and perhaps a ultrasound. I have been through this before, two years ago when I had my yearly mammogram I had to make a second trip when the radiologist found something on the first mammogram image, when it was on the second one I was promptly sent to have an ultrasound where is was discovered that it was only a pocket of fluid. 

     I hope that a pocket of fluid is all that it is, and in my heart I think that is exactly what it is, the problem is that I won't be sure until I make the hour drive and have the mammogram and possibly ultrasound done. I am just glad that I have a husband that will stand beside me and be the supportive man I need when I need it.

my loving husband

 

North Myrtle Beach's perfect place to stay.

     When my family goes to the beach we stay at the Jamaica Motel. Unlike many other places at the beach this place is clean and the maids do not run you out of the room when they come to clean the room.

     This motel is located on north ocean Blvd, North Myrtle Beach. This motel is privately owned and the owners actually own the building and live on the premises.  All the rooms are ocean front and many of them come with a stove and oven which I can say works just fine because and I have cooked quite a few meals on it instead of paying $40+ for a plate for food at chain restaurants just four blocks away.

Going to School:Update

NTHS certificate

NTHS inductees

      I have been going to school to earn my college associates degree for the past two years and I can say that I am nearing completion. When I am finished I will have an associates degree in accounting. I have been told that getting a degree in accounting is one of the hardest ones to get but so far I have had really not much of a problem. I have kept my grades up and I have been accepted in two honor societies, NTHS (National Technical Honor Society), and Phi Theta Kappa. I was also chosen to be a marshal at this years graduation.

     As of now I only have 7 more classes to go Acc115, Eng165, Bus121 which I am taking the coming semester and then I have to take Acc230, Acc150, Acc240, and Bus 140. I am hopeful that all the classes will be offered for the Spring 2016 semester. I know that three of them are suppose to but I am not sure about one of them, the Acc150 class.

     Most, or should I say half of my classes have been online classes. I am a full-time wife and mother, I also have a part time job so juggling everything can be a bit of a challenge at times (especially at a certain time of the month) online classes make it easier to do a lot of it. One thing I like about taking online classes I can be at home with my daughter not worry about finding a sitter this is especially good during the summer, because I take summer classes in the hopes of finishing my degree faster. I also take classes during the summer because I had a Pell grant and I normally have enough left over to take two more classes during the summer to use up the money.

     So far I have attained a GPA of 3.8, keep in mind that 4.0 is perfect. When I graduated from high school in 1988 there was no such thing as a GPA. Honestly I had no idea what it was, it took me a while but I figured it out how a GPA is calculated and I can say that I am very proud of my GPA. I mean I am 45 years old, and I will be 46 when I receive my degree I think I am going pretty well.

Phi Theta Kappa inductees

Marshal at the 2015 graduation ceremony

A broom standing on its own

     This happened a while back but this is a broom standing by itself. I was told by several people that a broom could do this and I just wanted to see for myself if I could do it, I guess I could.

Jayne's jack-o-lantern

My daughters art work at Halloween. I just ran across the picture and thought it was cute.

Premenstral Depression, it is not pretty

     When people look at me they may think that woman has everything, a loving husband, and beautiful daughter, a home to call her own, she's going to school and she has a part time job that has no set hours which means she can sleep in everyday of the week or simply not go in at all if she chooses. Problem is this woman does have a problem, it's called premenstrual depression and she can hide very well.

     As most women know, at a certain time of the month a woman's emotions often go into overdrive. I am no exception. A few days before my period several things happen, physically I have just about the worse case of diarrhea a person can have this includes cramps that make you fall to your knees and double over in pain, and sitting on the toilet for at least an hour or two. When this is finally over you are so weak that you can't function because you are so drained of energy because of the diarrhea you just had, but this pales in comparison to the depression that follows.

     When I say depression I mean suicidal depression and it can me very severe at times. I have been able to fight it off and keep my family in the dark about the severity of it but as I get older the bouts are getting worse and more intense. I will cut myself and watched as my life blood drains out of me then I will cry, panic and crawl into bed praying for a death that never comes.

     I have always felt that I was never good enough, that I was ugly, stupid, unworthy. This probably stems from the fact that when I was 5 my dad told me he wished I had never been born, or that he wished I had been born a boy instead of a girl. My mom even admitted that she had often thought of killing me as a child. One time when I was about thirteen my family was visiting a church, the preacher's wife walked up to me and with a smile looked me in the eye and said your sister is so much prettier than you are. The preachers wife tells me this, you can imagine how hurt I was, to be honest I was close to tears, I mean how could anyone especially the preachers wife say that to a child that is a visitor in Gods house. This is just the tip of the iceberg I had to deal with while growing up.

     When I got married my spirits were lifted for a few years. I had a loving husband, we had a beautiful daughter and everything seemed right in the world. I became a stay-at-home mom while my husband would go to work. Oh, we had ups and downs but when you are married what couple doesn't, especially when you add a child to the mix and the two people have been married less than a year. I can say the first two years were hard, we were getting used to each other as people then we turned into parents six weeks before our first anniversary, talk about a lot to go through in one year, but we made it.

     Then our daughter starts school and I need something to get rid of all these depression thoughts going through my head. So I get a part time job working as a retail merchandiser for Hallmark card company. This job has no set hours and it does not interfere with my family time at home. When that wasn't enough I think my husband caught on to the fact that something was wrong so he suggested I go to back to school and work on the degree that my parents said I would never be good enough to achieve. So I enrolled and I have a 3.8 GPA so far and I only have one year to go.

     With all this going on you would think that my mind would not have time to wander and that depression would not be able to reared its ugly head, but that is not how depression works, it still enters my thoughts and sometimes it is a bit overwhelming especially when it is time for Aunt Flo's visit. I am going to beat this because life is worth living and I am going to live it.

Yes I am a College student

     Well it has been a while since I have written anything and this is the reason why, I am a college student now and to be perfectly honest that has taken up a lot of my time.

     Since starting my second year I have learned a lot about myself and others. I am one of the oldest people in my class and because of that I have seen a lot of things that the others have not and I have a appreciation for things that the others do not.

     One thing I have learned is that the younger ones in the class have the attitude that they could care less.  There are two students in my class that especially come to mind. They are both fresh out of high school. One of them did not even bother to get a textbook, now in her defense the book is almost $200, maybe she could not afford it, or maybe the school bookstore did not have any in stock. Anyway she asked me if she could have my textbook over the weekend, I had to tell her no.  Now some of you may think I was being mean or cruel, but I just did not feel comfortable letting this person take my book the entire weekend when all she does during class is tap on her phone. It is against school policy to have your phone out when you are in class, Ms. Jordan, the teacher is a very forgiving instructor and understands that some of her students have children (like myself) and they may have to be contacted if an emergency comes up, she will allow you to have your phone in class, just cut the ringer off and keep it out of sight, I guess the slang term would be out of sight out of mind. Now this student that is constantly on her phone and does not have a textbook makes sure that she sits at the back of the room in a seat so that the teacher can not see that she is on her phone. I guess you could say that the girl is smart about not getting caught, but not so much when it comes to listening to what the teacher is saying or learning anything.

     The other student is a guy and I will say this, he did buy a textbook and when the girl asked him if she could have the book the weekend he did not hesitate to hand it over to her. He is a student that you can tell could care less about the class he is taking, I think the way he sees it he is just filling a space and from what I am assuming he is going to NETC because his parents told him to.

     The older students have the attitude that they want to make something of their life. One of the older students I was speaking with actually told me that when he was in High school he goofed off and now that he is older he said that he was going to get it right. I suppose I have the same attitude.

     I have done well so far in my classes. This semester I am taking Accounting 101, Accounting 120 (Federal income tax) and an online class CPT 101 (introduction to computers). My goal is to earn my degree and graduate with honors. So far I am doing well my first test in ACC120 I made a 93 and the second test I made a 99 (bringing my average up to a 96). The first test in ACC101 I made a 90 it wasn't an "A" but I know that I can take other test and bring my average up, especially since the teacher is giving us extra credit for the next test. The computer class I have an average so far of 99.3.

    I was on the deans list for the spring semester 2014 and if I can maintain an "A" in every class this semester I will be on the deans list for the fall semester 2014. I know I can do it just takes dedication, and I am dedicated to doing my best.